Thursday, June 22, 2006

My first blog.

I have always never been interested in starting a blog. Not sure why now I feel like writing one. Astley told me to have one…he said never know what good it might bring me one day…well, let’s just keep looking on the good side. I guess I’ll use Trebuchet for my blog…yuyul’s favourite fonts. Used to read her blog…and all her lovely stories…but it kinda disappeared one day. Never really asked her why tho… guess we rarely speak much these days.

Well, why I’m writing a blog…maybe it’s just the feeling of speaking to someone about all my thoughts…not sure who I should speak to tho… if you’re reading this, then it’s you.

These few months, I feel as if I’m losing myself at times. Sometimes I wonder if my parents are afraid to speak to me, cause they seem to be cautious with the words they say…as if I might react in an outrageous way. Not that I do…and I don’t…after all they’re my parents. But that’s how I feel, have I changed…

Since I return to work in the office...talking about work…it sure sucks. Too much work…compared to the gold I bring home each month. But of course, everywhere is the same right…but it is outrageous here at times. Sometimes I don’t know why I’m still here…Astley would be one reason…if I leave, there goes the unbreakable project management team. In a way, we are pillars… holding a roof at each end. And of course there’s Eka.

Eka ‘n me…we’re in the same boat. How much we pedal, I feel our boat is sinking. Recently by chance, we found out something un-ethical about the company. Let’s just say… “some people carry stones each day and bring home gold, we carry bolders every minute and bring home peas.” Eka was so upset. I… I just not sure how I should react. The pressure we have to tahan each day is unbearable…one thing I’m proud of tho, I haven’t start singing like a mad man in the office yet despite all of it.
Then came Janus, glad she's around to take some of the load off.

But, have I changed that much? Mum said I always look tired. People would take a look at me once and ask what’s on my mind.

I want to be the old maday… not the fat one, the one after`. Happy. Guess Nad and Siva would have seen much of him in the final months of poly during project days. He was there too during ns. He was there last year. I know he was, especially in May…especially in November and December. Happy.

I want to be the old maday.